Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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