I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
