we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
