You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
