he wants to bone in the snuggie
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
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