Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I wish I only lived at night.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
i think my cat just said my name.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
