if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You are a genius and a whore.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
