I think my vagina is haunted
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
