Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
