i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
