She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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