New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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