last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He has the fingertips of a God
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