: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
