Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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