haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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