I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
