you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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