It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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