i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
