Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
