TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
why do cheetos always look like penises
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Shame - the story of my life.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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