Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
