u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
