margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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