It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
