Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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