i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
