I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
