Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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