so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
