she was so not down for the gang bang
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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