i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
