I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
