I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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