Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
