i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
