Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
