Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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