Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
