Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
