you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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