meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
