so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
