There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
