party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
