How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
