i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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