what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
