I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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