i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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