did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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