I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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