Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
