Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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